Chasing Cars and Chowringhee.

After a long while, I get to sit alone in my room because the room mates are at classes and I have half a load of labwork to finish, but I decided to make life a little better by playing some old Snow Patrol. I found an old backup data disc yesterday which had all my PDFs of Megan McCafferty, Sophie Kinsella and Meg Cabot, and I haven't been this distracted in a while, which is saying a lot these days. Undomesticated Goddess is one of the happiest books ever written, it makes me happy, but then it makes me sad to realise that to appreciate what Samantha did, I need to become a workaholic first, and I don't see that happening anytime in the near future.
My mum dropped by yesterday, it was the sweetest thing. She left behind sambar-rice and curd-rice, and a bottle of hot and sweet sauce, and I think I love her. :D
My backup disc also had a post that I'd written almost a year ago, in fact it's exactly a year since I wrote it, I think. In my opinion, it's the best thing I've ever written, but I will probably show it to no one because I'm afraid you'll think otherwise.
I miss being contemplative and quiet, the kid in the corner who used to blog a little too much. I miss writing for fun, and I would like to miss writing my lab journals because they are a waste of my time. I miss writing stories about wispy love and love gone sour. I miss writing about people with no names. I don't think I'll ever be capable of writing something oddly romantic again because I'm afraid of setting standards for myself. And I'm afraid of writing morbid things because I don't want them to come true. Although status quo isn't much to write home about either. So much for emotions setting you free and all that jazz.
I like angsty Snow Patrol better than cutesy Snow Patrol, or maybe it's just the mood I'm in. I miss my iPod. I miss Calcutta. It's one of those days again when I miss Calcutta. I know I'm going back but I'm never going back to what I left behind. All I will be returning to are empty cupboards and cobwebs. Part of me wants to go back, but if I go back, it will only serve to cement the fact that Calcutta is a phase that is most definitely over. School is over. Classes are over. The little store outside school where we ate like crazy are over. We know other people we're involved in other lives now. It will take me more than a year to deal with this. I want to go back I don't want to go back. Because people will have changed. Our lives have changed. In the long run it is for the best but it makes withdrawal symptoms harder.
I live in Chennai now. To say that sentence with conviction will take me a lifetime. I will live in any other city with more willingness than Chennai. It's not Chennai's fault, but I'm too egotistical to admit otherwise. No song reminds me of Chennai. No song will remind me of the streets I used to walk in the evenings and watch people play football. No clue to the way I could walk up to Sreeja and Harshita's houses. I can't do that anymore. We'll never be in the first row of school again. We'll never stare at balloons named Jeff Buckley II instead of listening to Chemistry.
Never say Never is a STUPID saying.
Never happens always. To deal with it is the hardest thing you'll put yourself through. I never understood cold turkey quitting in Shantaram, but I get it now. I used to be addicted to Calcutta I guess. I will probably not be able to define exactly why. Just the way I can never define why I love Snow Patrol so much.
But probably Lightbody and Landsdowne are more connected than you think.