I never want my life to be like a Damien Rice song. I'm afraid of pain and loneliness and regret, but I never want it to be so wispy and wistful that each moment of it is heartbreaking in so many different ways.
I want my rage to be fast, to be angry, to be wild and to be over with. Grudges are scary, the ones you harbour in your heart for so long, with all those layers of stealth that you wrap it in with, and then sooner or later you will release it, when I'm vulnerable, when I let down my guard. You make me never want to relax.
Now why would you do that?
Like when I forget you, and I forget you exist, I forget the things you say that I used to remember. And then you come rushing back to fill my synapses and bloodstream, suddenly my hair's a mess and my clothes matter, but mixed with the self-doubt there is the elation that you'd rather be here than anywhere else.
You scare me.
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